I thought you were a discipline that would make me better. I thought you were a method of motivation that would keep me striving for more. I thought that if I chased you, you would make me feel "good enough." And so, I used you as a tool to build my ego - a fragile, fabricated, carefully constructed mask of who I thought I should be...of who I thought the world wanted me to be. Your quest to be perfect, to be the best, is what I relied on to make mySELF feel worthy and deserving of love.
But, your relentless drive to be better than, more than, and constantly compare myself to an ideal image left me broken, alone, and unfulfilled. Your rigorous requirements to be flawless kept me killing mySELF as I tried to gain your nonexistent approval. All the self-punishment, self-denial, self-restriction I did for you left me empty inside with no connection to who I was or what I was worth. You smothered my power and resigned me to a life of anxiously, unquenchably searching for more.
It turns out that this ego I spent most of my life building in my pursuit to feel "good enough" was not the answer I was looking for. The harder I tried to be perfect for you, the stronger my mask became...and the emptier I felt. Eventually, I didn't have the energy or will to keep holding this shell together as the harder I pushed for perfection, the more disappointed in mySELF I became. Life hinted over and over that this was not my right path. And, as that false sense of self was shattered time and time again, this ego was finally rendered irreparable...and unnecessary. When I had no choice but to let go, I realized you were only a barrier preventing me from seeing my true SELF underneath and finding my power within.
Too long you have burdened me. Too long you have hurt me. Too long you have held me back from expressing mySELF for fear of being judged. Too long you have prevented me from doing something for fear of failing. Too long you have kept me hidden for fear of not measuring up. Too long you have stolen friendships and connections for fear of opening up and being found unworthy. Too long you have beaten me down and smothered my light because I fell short of your impossible standards.
You no longer serve me. I don't need you anymore. I have found other methods that motivate me and keep me growing...methods that don't rely on hurt and pain but on power and strength. So, Perfectionism, I am letting you go. And, I am making room for vulnerability and artistry and self-love. For that is where my fulfillment lies...that is where my purpose leads...and that is where I find my true SELF.
Do you struggle with perfectionism? I challenge you to look at how it affects your life. Does it enhance it or detract from it? Are there better ways for you to journey towards your best self?
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