Sometimes you frustrate me. I can't get you to move how I want. I can't get you to look the way I want.
You feel restrictive and foreign to me. You are a cage I try to rip, tear and break apart.
You are something I want to hide because I am embarrassed...ashamed that you don't fit the definition of "beauty" that I think the world wants to see.
Your flaws make me feel broken. I worry that when exposed, the world will laugh and point out all the ways you are not "good enough."
I want to cast parts of you away and abuse you out of disregard because you don't suit my parameters of use.
You feel things I don't understand. You crave things I don't understand. You react seemingly outside of my control - and it scares me.
Yet, sometimes you free me.
You are my vessel for traveling through the years.
You allow me to engage in this world.
You allow me to express my deepest emotions.
You allow me to feel what is real.
You allow me to touch, taste, smell, hear, see the beauty & pleasure all around.
You remind me of the infinite possibilities of life.
You teach me about growth, power, fulfillment and change.
I feel your strength. Even when my emotions ache like a raw nerve defenseless against the elements, you make me feel safe, grounded, present.
So I will keep trying to figure you out. I will keep experimenting. I will keep trying to give you what you need. I will keep trying to push your potential while respecting your limits. And I will keep trying to honor your uniqueness, your constant fluctuations, your flaws, your strengths and all your distinct beauty.
Because I know that when I can tap into the life that you bring...when I can connect to your unique force and energy, we can't be stopped.
So here I am, choosing to show up and nurture our relationship - flaws and all - naked, raw, vulnerable.
This isn't about showing up for the rest of the world. It's about claiming ownership for myself first.
I alone have power over you.
I alone control you.
And I alone have to love you before the rest of the world can.
Photo credit: Steve Vaccariello
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